Hey, how about a post.

See? I told you I don't have the every day where-with-all to keep a decent blog together. Not that anybody comes on here and looks at this crap anyways. But hey, whatever. I'll verbally puke up a nice pretty hairball for my 1 1/2 readers now I guess.

Lemme see.... I'm gonna try to wrap up the whole last however long I've been gone into something cute here. I guess I'll just go into how I'm an observationalist because I watch people so much. Of course mind you, I have one inane gift. Ok, maybe two gifts ( orally pleasing women is a given so of course I have to have 2 official gifts in life donch'a know). My gift is sizing somebody up in 30 seconds or less. I don't know what good that does me or how I can make money off of it but it's there. By the way, if anybody can tell me how to make money off of something like this I'd be eternally thankful and even cut you in for a slice. Salesman maybe? Nah. Supreme ruler of everything? OK, maybe I'll go for that.

Anyways....... I'm the official neutral person wherever I go. I have two best friends who find it painfully terrible just to be sociable to each other and it's because they are polar opposites. Why do I tell you this? Because it leads me to explain why I'm such an observationalist. NOBODY gives second thought to the guy ( or gal ) who's common ground. Nothing good or bad to say. Nothing terribly one sided or another. This person gets to just sit back and watch, though. What do I get to see? Hoo boy, lemme tell you. I see lots. I read body language and listen more than I talk. This allows me to be privy to information about humanity. Again, I have NO clue how this will make me money but I'm willing to listen to your advice on my new career path about the whole thing.

Gotta see what's going on-guy : OK, this guy can often be found in a traffic jam getting out of his car and starting the whole thing off by standing on the floor of his car peering down the road looking for some explanation why he isn't moving. Next he closes the car door and marches his ass down in the direction of the stoppage to get a grip on what's going on. On the way back to the car he has no issues telling everybody what is going on. It doesn't matter if it's true or not. He's the guy that had the moxy enough to take the situation by the throat and stick his big fat head in there somehow. These are also "self important" people. You know the type... in on your conversation with an "Oh, yeah but... you know what happened to me?" and so forth. If it was a woman, she'd be a busy body. Just because it's a guy though... he's now known as "Gotta see what's going on-guy". Annoying in either male or female form. Avoid this one if you have a headache and you don't want it getting any worse. Don't say I didn't warn you. Otherwise harmless and not providing any real function to the circle of life as we know it.

I'm more important that you-woman : Why do I put female gender on this one? because it seems most often than not it's a female doing this to me. I stand in line and turn my head ( NOT my body mind you) to see something and there she is standing in front of me. Was she behind me a second ago? Yep! Does she care that she just cut in line? Of course not. She has things to do, places to be, conquests to make. She can often be found yapping on her cell phone. NOT to be confused with a soccer mom but boy oh boy this is probably the training ground for them. You hold the door for them ( as my momma taught me to do as a young lad for women) and they just walk right through as though you owe it to them. You say rather loudly "You're welcome" and it doesn't even phase them that they didn't say thank you as a decent human being *should*. Unless you really have something important to do or somewhere to go, they are also harmless. Make no mistake, though. WE all owe them something in life and they'll be damn sure you'll give it to them or else!

I have money and I'm going to show it off- woman : Again. I feel it necessary to point out it's more the females I've seen do this. Sure, men do it lots as well but not so much. You can often find this woman with enough jewelry to choke a horse and she doesn't mind flaunting it and making you feel bad. This type of person will take I'm more important than you-woman and have a cat fight with her if they crossed paths. Nothing verbal directly to each other, mind you. Just a lot of "tsk's" and comments to anybody that will hear how rude the other is. The younger they are the worse they are. I've seen daddy's little girls actually stamp their feet when they didn't get their way. No, I mean it. literally stamping the foot as each word was spoken as though it gets them further along in the point of the conversation. Call it an adult hissy fit if you will. The male of this species will be "alpha male-esque" with another male or overly domineering with a sexual undertone to another female. These people create HUGE issues and are far from harmless. Once they get it into their heads they don't like you, others like them in seats of actual power can and will make your life a living hell. Avoid these types of people at all costs. The men have money. The females more often than not have men that have money. Where can you find them mostly? Ironically enough in Wal-Mart and K-Mart shopping for things that look flashy and more expensive than they really are. Silly, huh?

I have money and nothing to prove-guy : This is a RAREEEE breed of human. I've seen no more than three males and only one ever female of this breed. Why only one female? Because women are catty bitches and always have something to prove. Men just don't do that. You can often see the male dressed down wherever he goes. Painfully so. Everybody else is wearing slacks and dress shoes/shirts. This guy has jeans with a crease in them and a golf shirt and docksiders ALL the damn time. How does he differentiate himself from the common man? He's usually got an ass-expensive Rolex on his wrist. Of course, he NEVER looks at it. That would be acknowledging his wealth. He has it, but he doesn't need it. Flashy car? Nope. Sensible car. His flash is in his bank account and the more he visualizes himself in a crowd as "I don't care" the better he feels you know he's above and wayyyyyy beyond you. Can these guys do harm? MUCH more than anything you know. Will they? Nope... that would just be wrong. Remember, they're above all that nonsense. Besides, it requires energy. Something this crew is not apt to spend on you or anything else truth be known. Very slack people.

I'm 17 and know everything girl : Most of you would say this is any teenager. I digress. Most often it is but this girl has special qualities. These are where I'm more important than you-women start. Talky little bitches that have an opinion about every God damned thing in the world and it's the right one, you bastards! Sure, they only know their facts from overheard conversations heard third hand but they're going with it. When it's the male of the species they eventually give up and just turn all "Emo" on you. Not the female, though. She will claw and scratch you until her dying last breathe until you see it her way otherwise you're a total ass-face. If they have hippie tendencies, they are UBER protesters. If they have political tendencies, they go to college and become devout Democrats but only because they heard somewhere it was cool and the right thing to do. They know nothing of where the light comes from when they flick the switch. They know food is in the refrigerator when they open the door. Therefore, they are an authority on everything. Never... I repeat NEVER ask this human what their thoughts are on something. No matter what yours are you are wrong and you need to be corrected. Again, harmless but head splittingly painful if you get caught by one of them. They hang out in malls and trendy stores mostly. Avoid them like the plague. Damn annoying little twats.

Big man on campus-guy : I should warn you all that the title is mis-leading. This breed need not be in college. Quite often it's just a social gathering. He HAS to be the center of attention, though. It's not about money. It's not about power or prestige. It's all about fame and charisma. If his head stone read "Damn, what a blast to be around" he'd be in the coffin smiling. This breed is NOT to be confused with somebody that has that "look at me, I'm important" syndrome like I know everything girl up there. Not by a long shot. This is the guy that will jump off the roof into a kiddie pool just to have everybody tell him what a crazy bastard he is. I wouldn't call it attention whore so much as I would call it an insecurity issue. If he were a puppy he'd scratch at the door and whine whenever master left because he's afraid of being left alone. Separation anxiety, maybe? Whatever the case this breed is dangerous. Hanging with him will land you in jail. More than likely for something stupid like lighting your farts on fire in the middle of the movie theater kinda deal. Avoid but only after an hour or so. Until then they're harmless and actually kinda funny. After that the crazy ideas start brewing and before you know it somebody has a cheese grater stuck against their balls for some reason. Where can you find this one? Go to a kegger. ANY kegger. I dare you not to find one. When two are there it's hella fun watching them compete for a while.

Beautifully painful girl : Let me tell you that this chick has issues. ANY life is better than her own. It just has to be. She spends her days longing for good weather so she can go dress up as some old England renaissance wench. When the weather is rainy, she is at her best writing poetry. Tim Burton movies are made for this girl/woman. I say could be a woman because these type never find happiness and they grow old with it. Goth/Emo/Larper... all the same. It's just one big sigh in life. Why they had to be born "Sara Smith" and not "Annergoth, raven of the mysts" is beyond her. She works in record stores in the mall or possibly at Blockbuster. Why? Because she spends all of her time listening to music and watching movies alone. Only the Emo/Goth/Larper boy will ever fully understand her. Even then it's only enough to get where she's coming from, but never fully know what lays beneath the surface. If only I could be an actual Vampiress in old Victorian times, I'd be truly happy. You see where I'm going? Is she dangerous? No, as long as you like cutting and looking up to the Columbine kids as simply "misunderstood". Yeesh... this type will at best make you feel like life is an accident and has no meaning. Stay away from these ones for any length of time. Totally buzz-kills.

Folks, I could go on and on for hours about all different people. I really could. But I think I made my point. I can spot these ( and many more ) types of people in 30 seconds or less. Dunno why it is. They all find common ground with me though for some reason or another. I can talk to any one of them about anything they wish and they'll walk away from it feeling understood. Of course, I can piss any one of them off in under 3 minutes as well. I just know my way around people is all. Can my gift be painting or sculpting? Nope. What about picking lucky numbers or winning at blackjack? Guess again. My gift is spotting people and dealing with them on their level if that makes any sense. Call me the great communicator, if you will. I'm just as confused by the whole thing as you are reading it. Whats it worth? probably nothing but a blog post. But hey.... I owed ya *something* to read, now didn't I? ;)

Be good, fuckers.