New business ideas for the lazy

Ok, I have some of THE all time best business ideas sometimes. Let me expound on a little gem that I've been dreaming up lately. For the record, if I see ANY of this shit out in the real world I'm gonna want a cut because I said it out here in the open first.

Allrighty. What can ya do when you're too lazy to have a viable skill? Become compliment guy/gal. You heard me. Charge 50 bucks for a 10 minute jaunt into boosting somebodies ego and it'll be the easiest money ever made. This is a double edged sword because you can be ego deflator guy/gal as well. Think of the money you could be raking in with this puppy. Birthdays. Divorces. Hell, celebrate that new dress size you just squeezed your butt into, I dunno. The point of it is that you get a friend who gushes your virtues in front of others for the length of a few minutes and you officially "da man" ( or wo-man if the case may be ) in front of your peers. An example if I may? Sure, why the hell not. Let's just say you're a guy and needs to strut the 'ol peacock feathers around some co-workers at lunch down at the local sandwich-ateria. No problem. Hire one of the compliment guys to walk up to your table and it may go something like this in front of your buddies. For the example, your name is Bob and he's Mark an obvious part time jockey short model.

Mark : Bob? Bob Randolph? I thought that was you, ya old dog you.
You : Heyyyyy, Mark! My old school chum. What's this, twice in the last 3 days I've run into you? Gotta be a co-incidence.
Mark : Yeap, that's right. Last time I bumped into you was at ( insert bar name here). Hey, what ever happened to you the other night? I was talking to you one minute and then the next..... oh wait. You didn't mack on that chick did you? *good hearted chuckling* TELL ME you didn't you bastard! Dammit! I KNEW I shoulda went for that one.
You : Yeah, sorry about that one pally. Had I known.....
Mark : ( to your friends ) You know what this wolfhound does? I'm sitting there trying to hook up with this REALLY hot number and he flies under the radar and snags my dime. Jesus he's a sly one
You : Whoa whoa whoa there, pally. If memory serves you moved away to go check out the rest of the room. I can't help it if I closed the deal ahead of you. *more good hearted laughter of one-upsmanship*
Mark : Bob 'ol boy... you have THE gift I tell ya. Promise me the next time I bump into ya I at least get a chance. You owe me you bastard!

You see how it can all play out? Some friggin Fabio comes up to you, Joe normal and you won the hand. You're a godamned hero in front of your friends and more than likely a legend around the office for a good few days. Money, fame, office cuties staring you up and down. It can only get better from there. Oh, and don't think you women can't benefit from this service as well. You'll be Shelly and the hired gun will be Tanya..... an obvious part time Victoria's Secret swimsuit model.

Tanya : Shelly? SHELLY? ( girl squeals and mock running toward you) OMIGOD! It is YOU! ( fake hugs ). I haven't seen you in FOREVER! Let me take a look at you.
You : Tanyaaaaaaaaa! ( fake hugs back) Everybody, this is my old college girlfriend Tanya. Tanya.... everybody.
Tanya : Ya know, I was JUST thinking about you the other day too. How insane is that? My God, you haven't changed a bit since we last did lunch. Ugh... hair to die for and am I wrong or have you actually gotten THINNER! ( mock stamping of the feet). You bitch! (giggles) you have, haven't you. I am so jealous.
You : Oh stop. You're just being silly now.
Tanya : ( to the rest of your group) I'm not kidding you. Don't let her pull a fast one on you. I remember many a night in the dorm with this one. Always out with THE cutest guys on campus and did I ever see her even have to study ONCE?!?!?!? Same old Shelly, ladies. She doesn't even know she has THE perfect purse I bet, do you Shelly? See? Just comes natural to this one without any of the effort. It's a good thing I'm not the jealous type ya know ( more fake giggling).

Ok, you can say it out loud. I'm a motherfucking absolute dyed in the wool business GOD, right? Think about it the other way around now. Let the imagination roam with it. It's Bob's birthday up there and Tanya walks by. The guys at the office chipped in for a paltry fee and she gives him the goods. I don't know the exact line but it's gotta be something devastating like " Oh hi... I didn't recognize you. How's that whole buying a girl a cheap draft beer and wanting to take her home thing working out for you? Still failing like the other night with me?" and then she walks away with a strut. No doubt comedy gold and good ribbing for the birthday boy gets his birthday smacks for a day. The possibilities are endless.

No typing. No filing. No heavy lifting. Absolutely NO true work of any kind needed but there's good money to be made. I can see this going nationwide and becoming a big thing. It'll have a killer slick Internet site and probably be featured on the news as the hot new thing. C'mon now.... you KNOW damn well I thought up a good one here. I'll..... I'll.... I should get started on this and....and and..... Oh hell. You do it. STILL too much work for me. Just cut me in for my 10% and I'll be happy. What can I say. I'm still too lazy for even this idea. Damn, that's pretty lazy.