Yeah yeah. I know I should post about the obvious crap that everybody else is posting about. I just can't help myself to bring you something different, though. I know some bloggers are doing the "what's the deal with anal" bit. Others are keeping huge wars over Britney's baby issues and meat curtains flapping about ( thank you Puddin' ). I want to talk to you about my latest obsession, though.
Kat Von D.
I don't usually like this type. That is to say, the rocker retro funky look. I usually go for the plane Jane's with a bit of flair perhaps. This one though? Wheshooooo-weeeee. I'd like to take her for a cruise in Cunning-ville if you catch my drift. Before you jackasses start whining about the flabbitude hanging over her pants or some such. Lemme tell ya's all that I've never liked a woman that's built like Mary Kate Olsen. That unrealistic anorexia look just makes me wanna vomit. No sirs and ma'ams, I love me a real gal. Gimme something to grab onto and not have it feel like I'm hugging a skeleton. Not fatty pig fatty, but a REAL gal. Gimme hips and tits over ribs and bony knees anyday.
So what else has been going on. Oh yeah. I solved the world's problems. Well, as far as quality of living goes, anyways. I slowly need to become supreme ruler of the world while nobody is looking but I have a master plan. First off, everybody is legal. You heard me. Everybody is legal. I usually go into a tirade about illegal immigrants and how we're pussifying ourselves by letting them step all over us. I got it all wrong, though. Make everybody legal and nobody has to hide. The real problem at hand is everybody working. Once everybody works, we can enact plan Alpha. It's simple. I start up little communities of like minded people to comprise what I like to call the beginnings of "Russtopia". The housing, electricity,heat/hot water and all the like. Totally free. You heard me fuckers.... free. All's you have to do is abide by some simple rules. You work. That's rule #1. You have to become a productive member of society to validate your existance. Rule 2... 65% of your gross income goes to the good of Russtopia. Shut the fuck up you whiners. 65% is not even close to what you are pulling out of pocket right now to live and you know it. Most all of us are living paycheck to paycheck and losing ground every day. I'm giving you a roof over your head and no worries as far as freezing your asses off at night in winter. Combine that with gated/walled community where you are 100% safe from the crimes of most towns as well as a bunch of other things ( cable, phone, etc etc etc) and it's a good deal.
I'll probably make a dedicated post to Russtopia in the near future but I tell you, this idea has legs. The idea isn't to be totally spewed out in this post, though.
What else has been going on.... hmmmm.... They awarded that James Brown looking woman from NY for being called a bitch and then fired when she wasn't doing her job anymore. Way to go affirmative action assholes. You know what this is going to do now? It'll make people not want to hire women for fear of lawsuits is what it's gonna do. It's all part of the touchy feely bullshit that's going on in the world. Get over it and get used to it. You're not all special little snowflakes that need to be praised every time you wipe your asses correctly. The world is a harsh place. Once in a while you get called a bitch. I get called names on a continual basis. Hating work is part of life and so is the baggage that goes along with it. We all have bad days. They aren't worth 11 million, though.
Topps Beef Company is officially out of business. Bad cheap burgers for the masses I guess wasn't such a good idea. Well, maybe it was a good idea until they found E-Coli in the beef. Jesus... it's getting so you can't even cash your foodstamps in on some good low grade horse meat anymore. Good riddance, Topps. Your burgers sucked ( I tried one once. It was all just pink colored fat anyways) and now you have to pay 70 million in fines for it all. If I were you guys I'd go find me a good lawyer to sue the bastards who sold ya's the bad meat in the first place. Either way you slice it, there's gonna be some hungry Wal-Mart burger buying people out there. Perhaps now is the time I should start my new line of Cunning Linguist brand mostly beef patties. Hmmmmmm
10 comments:
I think I want to have your babies. The fact that you embrace Kat Von D's curves is a major turn-on. She's a bad ass, gorgeous woman.
P.S. I can't help but notice that Russtopia sounds a lot like Cuba. Communism, anyone? Thanks, but no thanks!
ok you had me until fatty pig. i'm a bit hurt by that comment. we need love to you know.
not all special little snowflakes that need to be praised every time you wipe your asses correctly. The world is a harsh place. Once in a while you get called a bitch. I get called names on a continual basis. Hating work is part of life and so is the baggage that goes along with it. We all have bad days. They aren't worth 11 million, though.
Welcome back :)
dude, i too, would cunning-ly love Kat Von D. and thank god for a man that loves tits and hips. all the rest are looking for little boys with wigs, i guess...
what about that commercial? i didn't see a link-y thing.
-boo
So your post brought up a few questions I would like to (ask) point out…
If you had the opportunity would you stick it in Britney’s butt?
Hmmm…so you’ll take the hips and tits. How about stretch marks and dimples?
Does drug dealing and hooking constitute as working class?
Well, aren't we feeling a bit communist!
I think that Kat Von D is a major douche. I'm not 100% sure why. Maybe it's because shes from LA, and I've decided nothing but trademark EVERYTHING comes out of LA. She just seems so perfectly punk or however you'd classify her.
Maybe I'm being bitter.
p.s. you would name a country/commune after yourself haha
Well at least you aren't shallow....I guess.
I myself have something of a weak spot for women who are covered in tattoos. I like a woman who is pretty, but also looks like she might be able to actually kick my ass.
Russtopia. It sounds familiar, but I can't put my finger on it...
I don't know anything about this James Brown woman, but whenever I hear a story that involves someone being sued over something they said... man, that crap just sucks. I can't wait till people start suing each other because of dirty looks. How would frivolous lawsuits be handled in Russtopia? I know how they would be handled in Smacktopia... let me put it this way: It would involve a catapult.
Holy hell, ya try to figure out a way to help some good people and you get called a Communist for it. I'll have to elaborate on Russtopia in the next post I guess. Slumlord? Perhaps. Never a communist,though. ( unless it gets me laid).
Bottle ~ And I want you to have my babies, dammit! If I let *YOU* shave my head, would it be a turn on?
D.O.T.M. ~ you perhaps misunderstand me. I'm referring to the type of person who needs the side of the house cut off to get out. Certainly not a woman of substance such as yourself. Trust me when I tell you that your curves are more than appreciated.
Mort ~ Feels good to be back to my old self. Thanks much. From the left aorta, buddy. The ventricle that pumps love. I mean that.
Boo ~ The commercial on your last post. About 1 minute in the guy said that quote and it had me laffin. As for the other... if you EVER get to that sacred land before me, you had best get ahold of me somehow and I'll be right over to help you out. There's fresh baked brownies in it for you. I'm serious... I'd leave a three way to go lick her up and down front to back.
Puddin' ~ That's a toughie. I know a lot of people say Brit's a mess right now but in all reality ( body shape-wise) isn't she just a mother of two? I honestly don't mind the parts that make a woman and don't get depressed when she doesn't look airbrushed in real life. Of course it's working class...wait, you're sharing right????
Elyse ~ Tsk tsk tsk... my poor dear. Don't tell me you are climbing onto the bandwagon for me being a communist. Of all people I thought would know better. Also, I don't know what it is about her that attractes me. Like you women that visit me here... she is her own person. Maybe it's the thought process of "I'm me and if you don't like it then too bad". It's a huge turn on to know when a woman can be an individual but still want to share that with you ( for me anyways ).
Uber ~ Yes I am. I'd hit it with Ginger over Mary-Ann anyday just because that's how I roll. I have a rep to protect, so don't go spreading it around that I have a sensitive side, huh? Oh! BTW... WHY am I not invited to see your blog? *shakes fist in air* selfish!
Captian my Captian... what can I say. Possibly you're thinking of Davidians or Koresh but this is 75% more gooder than anything they've ever done. You and I could correct all of the failures and probably make it work. The catapult definately has legs. I'm liking it.
I have a major girl crush on Kat Von D. Like, I'd throw a leg in her if I had a leg to throw.
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