I'm going to take this point in time to let you know I'm a bit of a car person. I've probably had more cars before I was 20 than most of you will ever have in your entire lifetime. That's not a statement to brag, just to make fact. I'm 36 as I write this and I have to tell you honestly that I can't even count how many cars I've ever had up until now. It's my firm belief that everybody walks through life magically collecting something quite easily although they know not why. My gift is cars. I always happen to be at the right place at the right time for these stupid things or I'll come home and there will be a new one on the driveway that somebody just gives me for no damned good reason. Hey, let's give it to Russ ( yes, now you know my name. Boo ya for you and the strange look that it will get you when you think you have something worthwhile on me)... he doesn't mind an extra car. Here's the big kicker to the whole story. Every stinking' car EVER in my life has never worked %100. Not a single one. I'm always cursed with that "jiggle the handle" syndrome like when you go to a friend's house and the toilet is broken. You can borrow the car but don't take sharp left turns. Sure, you can ride with me, just enter left foot last because the bracket on the seat is broken. Wiggle the gas cap three times and then spin around clockwise on your foot really fast and pat your head.... the stereo will mysteriously work as it should then. See what I'm saying here? It's all very odd the way it is in my world.
Why not throw everything away and just buy new stuff you ask? BUZZZZZZ Wrong. I tried that move already. My first ever new car straight from the dealership was taken away on a flatbed 2 hours after I drove it away from there. After they fixed that problem a new one came up and they couldn't track it down. Then another and another. When I got rid of the car you couldn't drive it at EXACTLY 63 miles per hour for more than 15 minutes at a clip or it would overheat. You can go faster. You can go slower. You can take a 10 hour trip bouncing all around it and still be fine. Why exactly 63? I do not know. Also, the driver window if powered down 3/4 of the way would eventually fall forward. Half down was fine, 7/8 down was OK. Yadda yadda yadda. 3/4 down? Nope... voomp! Thar she goes again. See what I'm saying here folks?
So anyways.... ( and get ready to roll the eyes at me) I just caught a sweet deal on a nice Cadillac Seville. I'm LOVING this car which means if you've read the above, that it will have more gremlins in it than a WWII fighter plane stuck over Japan on a stealth mission. I get the car off ebay for a grand because the guy is losing his storage. Mind you, buying at low prices and getting things is NOT my problem here. It needed a little work which was easily enough taken care of by yours truly. I get it all buttoned up and ding-ding-ding.... wtf is that noise? CHECK SUSPENSION SYSTEM comes scrolling across the display. Huh? Wha....What is that? *quickly searches the Internet for what the deal is*. Ahhhh, I see. It must be a sensor! I will fix this. BUZZZ. Guess again, slick. They stopped making the stupid thing and junk yards don't have it anywhere. What does this mean? Oh, nothing as long as you like 3 corners of the car riding like a Cadillac and one riding like a Mack Truck. Sonofa...*&%^$!@$$*&. Once again I fall victim to my own curse. Until I get the correct part to fix this it's going to be one of those "OK, go slow over this bump, then fast over that one... now swerve to avoid that".
I'm not going to be able to just put in the key and do what I have to do. Yet again I'll have to have half of my mind on what to do in a car that normal people do not and it's gonna be a major suck fest. I have no doubts in my mind that I'll eventually track down the stupid sensor which is not hard to fix. How much you ALL wanna bet though that once I do that something else equally as gay will go wrong. Hey, got the ride thingy fixed. Wanna see? Just tap the door handle with your left hand and when you get in push the heater button twice and I can take you for a drive in it. Just once.... I'd like a car to be "working without exceptions".
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
My friend Vickie
Let me take a second here to clear the air. I don't want you all to think that I just hate humanity and the soccer moms that dwell within it. Quite the opposite, actually. I love watching and dealing with people. I just get irked at ignorance is all. I have a few sayings and if it helps you put things into perspective, here's one of them ( and yes, you can use it if you like). I'll forgive stupid 9 times out of 10 but I can't let stupid walk by without letting the offender know it pisses me off. Why, you ask? Because stupid people don't know any better and don't have the capacity to learn anything new. Ignorant people refuse to be bothered learning from theirs and other's mistakes. That's why it pisses me off. So at any rate.... a bit of sunshine in my otherwise pissed off world. I bring you Vickie.
Vickie is a peach of a gal. I've known her since I was about 14 years old and no matter how far away I get she always lets me know I can't run away from friends because they know more dirt about me than I can just let them sit idle with. In case Vickie's husband is reading.... we've done nothing more than ever write poetry and pick flowers together. If it's her and anybody else that knows her and I and not her husband......we've banged each other rotten quite a bit "back in the day". By saying banged rotten, it's my belief that I hit it hard and ruined her for other men. It's probably her line of thinking that "rotten" is exactly as the dictionary spells it out to be. Hey, how friggin Godly are you going to be when you're young? Cut me some slack. I learned the hand on my own ass while the other on the woman's from Ron Jeremy and that's about it. Evidently porn moves don't parlay well into just barely 20's as much as we think they do. Who knew? Lord knows it wasn't from watching a lot of it and trying to get all the help I could. Trust me, I studied and still do to this day. *sigh* I probably am still terrible at the whole thing and nobody has the heart to tell me. My gain their loss, I say.
Anyhoo.... Vickie and I e-mail back and forth here and there. I reply sometimes when I can and she does the same. Life gets busy as you grow and have kids I guess. When the last time I've actually *seen* Vickie? Fuck if I know. I don't see a lot of my old friends anymore and the point is that I should. Friends are friends no matter the time or distance. It saddens me that we don't have the opportunity to just go and hang out like the old days. Even before the um.... "flower picking" and such, we used to just hang and I really liked that about my close friends. Hey, whaddya doing? Nuttin, why? Wanna hang? Okay! See how easy it was? Nowadays you have to get clearance from significant others and sitters, etc etc etc. It's a whole big to do about these things. Vickie and I used to laugh at not only other people ( she's the female version of me in a way... very odd gal) but ourselves more often than not. I used to run a catering business out of a pub a long long lifetime ago. I'm sure on more than one occasion one or the other was snotted three sheets to the wind and dunno how we'd have made it home without the other one to lean on. That's a true friend right there. You maybe puke in my car, maybe not? What the hell, I'll get your sorry ass home. The fact that she had girl parts was just a bonus. Of course, I write all this knowing full well she's reading it wondering what I'll say next. It's a long standing tradition I have with myself that I never write about anybody specific per se, but what the hell. This is a new me and a new blog. I won't say anything overly incriminating or give out too many details. I just miss one of my very few close friends is all. Her name is Vickie and if she feels bold enough, maybe she'll leave an anonymous comment or some shit. No doubt I'll get an e-mail in a little while saying I could have said more. Then again if I said more I'd probably get an e-mail saying I told people too much,lol. Friend or not she's still a woman and THAT is how they work. It's in their blood I think.
I'll no doubt blog about women that have entered and exited my life ( the ex-douche bag is a given) but make no mistake. Vickie is not one of them. She was always and still is a good friend 'till the end and I just thought you all should know that. Vickie...... I miss "the hang" and I don't even mean that in a dirty porno way either,lol. Very rare for me not to, I assure you folks.
Vickie is a peach of a gal. I've known her since I was about 14 years old and no matter how far away I get she always lets me know I can't run away from friends because they know more dirt about me than I can just let them sit idle with. In case Vickie's husband is reading.... we've done nothing more than ever write poetry and pick flowers together. If it's her and anybody else that knows her and I and not her husband......we've banged each other rotten quite a bit "back in the day". By saying banged rotten, it's my belief that I hit it hard and ruined her for other men. It's probably her line of thinking that "rotten" is exactly as the dictionary spells it out to be. Hey, how friggin Godly are you going to be when you're young? Cut me some slack. I learned the hand on my own ass while the other on the woman's from Ron Jeremy and that's about it. Evidently porn moves don't parlay well into just barely 20's as much as we think they do. Who knew? Lord knows it wasn't from watching a lot of it and trying to get all the help I could. Trust me, I studied and still do to this day. *sigh* I probably am still terrible at the whole thing and nobody has the heart to tell me. My gain their loss, I say.
Anyhoo.... Vickie and I e-mail back and forth here and there. I reply sometimes when I can and she does the same. Life gets busy as you grow and have kids I guess. When the last time I've actually *seen* Vickie? Fuck if I know. I don't see a lot of my old friends anymore and the point is that I should. Friends are friends no matter the time or distance. It saddens me that we don't have the opportunity to just go and hang out like the old days. Even before the um.... "flower picking" and such, we used to just hang and I really liked that about my close friends. Hey, whaddya doing? Nuttin, why? Wanna hang? Okay! See how easy it was? Nowadays you have to get clearance from significant others and sitters, etc etc etc. It's a whole big to do about these things. Vickie and I used to laugh at not only other people ( she's the female version of me in a way... very odd gal) but ourselves more often than not. I used to run a catering business out of a pub a long long lifetime ago. I'm sure on more than one occasion one or the other was snotted three sheets to the wind and dunno how we'd have made it home without the other one to lean on. That's a true friend right there. You maybe puke in my car, maybe not? What the hell, I'll get your sorry ass home. The fact that she had girl parts was just a bonus. Of course, I write all this knowing full well she's reading it wondering what I'll say next. It's a long standing tradition I have with myself that I never write about anybody specific per se, but what the hell. This is a new me and a new blog. I won't say anything overly incriminating or give out too many details. I just miss one of my very few close friends is all. Her name is Vickie and if she feels bold enough, maybe she'll leave an anonymous comment or some shit. No doubt I'll get an e-mail in a little while saying I could have said more. Then again if I said more I'd probably get an e-mail saying I told people too much,lol. Friend or not she's still a woman and THAT is how they work. It's in their blood I think.
I'll no doubt blog about women that have entered and exited my life ( the ex-douche bag is a given) but make no mistake. Vickie is not one of them. She was always and still is a good friend 'till the end and I just thought you all should know that. Vickie...... I miss "the hang" and I don't even mean that in a dirty porno way either,lol. Very rare for me not to, I assure you folks.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
I love me some Taco Bell
I know, I know. It's totally not good for you in any way shape or form. God help me, though. I can't stop eating that garbage. I really don't know why. It's all relatively the same beans rice meat and tortilla folded differently or with a different sauce. I can't help myself though. I can't put my finger on it either. It's not like I'm that poor where I need to lavish in the idea of filling up on a 1.29 crappy burrito. I don't think it's exactly the "taste" of it all either. Not to mention, we all know it's not the clientele or the workers I enjoy seeing ( the people that frequent the place are making a pit stop either before or after Wal-Mart, I'm sure of it). I think it's because I told myself I can't have it anymore.
Let me elaborate that I'm trying to watch what I eat as I get older. Not that I ate anything really really bad in my younger days. It's just that I should make some sort of attempt at prolonging life instead of eating sticks of butter rolled in sugar and salt wrapped up in white bread layers. Ok, seriously I don't eat that but you get the jist of what I'm saying. I don't eat healthy and I know it. I've been trying lately to have something in the way of fruit for breakfast and a protein shake lunch and then something decent for dinner. You know, get the metabolism running at a good pace. Well, therein lays the problem. Taco Bell amazingly enough, is not a food group. I know! I'm pretty shocked about the whole thing too. Still though.... every so often I catch myself pulling in there and ordering a grande nacho cheese sauce gordita crunchwrap supreme fiesta bowl or some shit like that.
I guess I'm a comfort food sort of person. In the old days while growing up we had mom's this or that. When I was on my own and thumbing my nose at the world but doing it my way, I absolutely survived on the cheapest garbage that was available. That includes the illustrious Taco Bell, my friends. While I'm on the subject, I'm pretty pissed about not getting some of my old favorites. Let me share......
The "old" McDonald's apple pies. I'm not talking that baked powdery crap they pass off now. Oh no indeed. I'm talking that whole don't bite it as soon as you get it because it's filled with deep fried lava apple pies. They stopped making them when that dumb bitch burnt her own snatch with a cup of coffee from there ya know. I guess Ronald is protecting us from ourselves and his lawyers helped it along. We knew as kids after the first one not to go shoving the stupid thing in our mouths. They should bring it back. The same goes for a McRib, which I have NO fucking clue why it goes away for years at a clip. Stupid asshats at McD's. *shakes head*
Boo-berry cereal. I miss that stuff. Do you know if you eat a whole box in one sitting ( and I have, mind you) it turns your poop green? I'm not kidding. You only see it around Halloween but it used to be available all year round. The same goes for peanut butter Captain Crunch. If you're lucky enough to find a store that stocks it, REMEMBER it. If you store has it all the time and you don't have a clue about the conspiracy then aren't you the lucky bastard. Some places carry it off and on. Some all the time. Some not at all. No clue why that is either.
Kenny Rogers Roasted Chicken. Say what you want about that fat drunk bastard... he had some good food. I haven't seen one in years. Why they tanked I'll never know. The same with Schlotskies and their muffelatta sandwiches. I liked The Gambler's food so much that 3 hours after I had my wisdom teeth out a long time ago, I was driving to his place for a BBQ chicken sandwich. I know, ouch. Still though. His stuff was just that good. You know what we have now? Boston Market. Make me friggin GAG with their shit. I hate them.
So to wrap it all up. Fast food bad. Protein shakes and fresh veggies good for you. Will it stop me? Hell no. It shouldn't stop you either unless you eat that garbage 6 meals a day and are the size of a house. Take it all in moderation. Life's short so why not eat something you crave once in a while. Of course.... now my asshole is wanting to head for the border but that's the price ya pay I guess. :)
Let me elaborate that I'm trying to watch what I eat as I get older. Not that I ate anything really really bad in my younger days. It's just that I should make some sort of attempt at prolonging life instead of eating sticks of butter rolled in sugar and salt wrapped up in white bread layers. Ok, seriously I don't eat that but you get the jist of what I'm saying. I don't eat healthy and I know it. I've been trying lately to have something in the way of fruit for breakfast and a protein shake lunch and then something decent for dinner. You know, get the metabolism running at a good pace. Well, therein lays the problem. Taco Bell amazingly enough, is not a food group. I know! I'm pretty shocked about the whole thing too. Still though.... every so often I catch myself pulling in there and ordering a grande nacho cheese sauce gordita crunchwrap supreme fiesta bowl or some shit like that.
I guess I'm a comfort food sort of person. In the old days while growing up we had mom's this or that. When I was on my own and thumbing my nose at the world but doing it my way, I absolutely survived on the cheapest garbage that was available. That includes the illustrious Taco Bell, my friends. While I'm on the subject, I'm pretty pissed about not getting some of my old favorites. Let me share......
The "old" McDonald's apple pies. I'm not talking that baked powdery crap they pass off now. Oh no indeed. I'm talking that whole don't bite it as soon as you get it because it's filled with deep fried lava apple pies. They stopped making them when that dumb bitch burnt her own snatch with a cup of coffee from there ya know. I guess Ronald is protecting us from ourselves and his lawyers helped it along. We knew as kids after the first one not to go shoving the stupid thing in our mouths. They should bring it back. The same goes for a McRib, which I have NO fucking clue why it goes away for years at a clip. Stupid asshats at McD's. *shakes head*
Boo-berry cereal. I miss that stuff. Do you know if you eat a whole box in one sitting ( and I have, mind you) it turns your poop green? I'm not kidding. You only see it around Halloween but it used to be available all year round. The same goes for peanut butter Captain Crunch. If you're lucky enough to find a store that stocks it, REMEMBER it. If you store has it all the time and you don't have a clue about the conspiracy then aren't you the lucky bastard. Some places carry it off and on. Some all the time. Some not at all. No clue why that is either.
Kenny Rogers Roasted Chicken. Say what you want about that fat drunk bastard... he had some good food. I haven't seen one in years. Why they tanked I'll never know. The same with Schlotskies and their muffelatta sandwiches. I liked The Gambler's food so much that 3 hours after I had my wisdom teeth out a long time ago, I was driving to his place for a BBQ chicken sandwich. I know, ouch. Still though. His stuff was just that good. You know what we have now? Boston Market. Make me friggin GAG with their shit. I hate them.
So to wrap it all up. Fast food bad. Protein shakes and fresh veggies good for you. Will it stop me? Hell no. It shouldn't stop you either unless you eat that garbage 6 meals a day and are the size of a house. Take it all in moderation. Life's short so why not eat something you crave once in a while. Of course.... now my asshole is wanting to head for the border but that's the price ya pay I guess. :)
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Pardon me, are you illegal?
Has anybody else heard this utter CRAP that is happening around U.S. cities? It seems some liberal Canadian butt wads started this garbage and now it's creeping down here. Tens of thousands of illegal immigrants now have the right in many major cities NOT to be asked if they are illegal. Yeah, you heard me right. A policeman wants to question you and ask if you are a legal citizen allowed to be here and now they can just smile and say "you aren't allowed to ask that". WHAT!?!?!?!? Did I miss something here? You came here illegally. You live here illegally. You are breaking the law for just being here and now you have rights? You gotta gimme a frigging break! You have NO rights. Get over it. Here, let me parlay this example to other illegal things by federal law and see if it makes sense to you....
I roll a joint and smoke it in public. The police officer comes to me asking if I'm inhaling illegal drugs. I look at him and laugh while saying " you can't ask me that. It's illegal to insinuate that I'm breaking the law.
I'm loading a truck full of weapons to sell on the black market. A federal agent comes up to me and asks if I'm a black arms dealer. I point to the new law passed by some liberal piece of shit that says you can't ask me that because I feel I'm being targeted and you're infringing upon my rights. He has to walk away.
Do you people see what I'm getting at here? This is a direct slap in the face to EVERY immigrant who has come to this country EVER and went about things the right way. If you are an illegal immigrant, you are here illegally and therefore breaking the law. You have NO RIGHTS. I don't care who posts here and says what, it's outright a kick in the ass to people who abide by laws while you ass hats skate free. You snuck your way in. You skirt the laws we all abide by and you should be sent back to whatever country you godamn well came from you assholes.
While I'm at it, screw you Toronto for starting this bullshit and cowering under the letters of many illegals to initiate this "don't ask don't tell" crap. I hold YOU personally responsible for this. We all wonder why terrorists just waltz in here and create things like 9/11 and this is another example of how these things get done. Because of things like that a little more of our freedom gets taken away every day and we just keep letting it slide. I ask you.... how far are you willing to let it go before it's no longer a democracy? Jesus. Wake up people.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/08/nyregion/08haven.html?pagewanted=all here's a link about the subject just in case you think I went all Archie Bunker and made all this shit up.
I roll a joint and smoke it in public. The police officer comes to me asking if I'm inhaling illegal drugs. I look at him and laugh while saying " you can't ask me that. It's illegal to insinuate that I'm breaking the law.
I'm loading a truck full of weapons to sell on the black market. A federal agent comes up to me and asks if I'm a black arms dealer. I point to the new law passed by some liberal piece of shit that says you can't ask me that because I feel I'm being targeted and you're infringing upon my rights. He has to walk away.
Do you people see what I'm getting at here? This is a direct slap in the face to EVERY immigrant who has come to this country EVER and went about things the right way. If you are an illegal immigrant, you are here illegally and therefore breaking the law. You have NO RIGHTS. I don't care who posts here and says what, it's outright a kick in the ass to people who abide by laws while you ass hats skate free. You snuck your way in. You skirt the laws we all abide by and you should be sent back to whatever country you godamn well came from you assholes.
While I'm at it, screw you Toronto for starting this bullshit and cowering under the letters of many illegals to initiate this "don't ask don't tell" crap. I hold YOU personally responsible for this. We all wonder why terrorists just waltz in here and create things like 9/11 and this is another example of how these things get done. Because of things like that a little more of our freedom gets taken away every day and we just keep letting it slide. I ask you.... how far are you willing to let it go before it's no longer a democracy? Jesus. Wake up people.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/08/nyregion/08haven.html?pagewanted=all here's a link about the subject just in case you think I went all Archie Bunker and made all this shit up.
Monday, June 11, 2007
For a small town.....
For a small town, this one sure has it's fill of assholes. I saw that on a bumper sticker today and I thought it was fitting. I've lived here for going on 8 years now ( I'm a transplant from CT ) and I have yet to see one sign of intelligent life anywhere. Mind you, this is the town where the big mucky muck head of police happens to own the biggest bar in town. The other big mucky muck police guy in charge happens to be a land baron who unimaginably gets zoning laws passed on decrepit properties that nobody else seems to be able to.
Then you have our local town hang-out called Cumberland Farms. Let me riff a bit on good old "Cumby's". Now see, I like to go there in the morning and get my coffee and go to work. I get in and get out and grunt a hi every so often to the counter people. It's always social hour there at Cumby's and the lines are backing up CONSTANTLY because they have to yap about so and so's illegitimate child and their baby's daddy or some shit. I hate Cumby's. Never have anything you really want and when you do find it you have to run a gauntlet of out of work yappers just to get out of there. 3 people behind the counter. 3 people in line and I'm gonna be late for work because of it. *sigh*. Assholes I tell you.
So anyways.... I'm driving out of town and I get pulled over. Bwoop Bwoop. Wtf.... *pulls over*. "Do you know why I stopped you,sir?" Um... no. "Well, you were speeding". Huh? I'm late but I know the speed limits here.... how fast was I going? ( This is the part where you get ready for 65 in a 15 or some unreal crap but it gets even better than that). "You were doing 32 in a 30". I uh... what? Did you just say 32 or 42? Maybe 52? "Nope... 32 in a 30. License and registration please". Officer jack off... you have GOT to be kidding me. Nope. He wasn't kidding folks. I got me a ticket for 32 in a 30. Of course I'm going to have to take the day off and fight this stupid thing now. It's the principal of the matter. I *know* I can pay the 11 dollars ( yes, 11 bucks ) and be done with it but now the insurance will go up. No talking out of it. No "hey, let me slide on this one". 32 in a 30, I shit you not. The kids here all sniff carpet fresh or whatever they do nowadays. The adults would die if you outlawed Budweiser and NASCAR. You have BIG problems here in such a small town and you have the balls to give me a ticket for 32 in a 30?!?!?!?
Like I said.... this crap happens to me regularly. Why, I do not know. I do know one thing, though. For a small town.......... well, you get the idea.
Then you have our local town hang-out called Cumberland Farms. Let me riff a bit on good old "Cumby's". Now see, I like to go there in the morning and get my coffee and go to work. I get in and get out and grunt a hi every so often to the counter people. It's always social hour there at Cumby's and the lines are backing up CONSTANTLY because they have to yap about so and so's illegitimate child and their baby's daddy or some shit. I hate Cumby's. Never have anything you really want and when you do find it you have to run a gauntlet of out of work yappers just to get out of there. 3 people behind the counter. 3 people in line and I'm gonna be late for work because of it. *sigh*. Assholes I tell you.
So anyways.... I'm driving out of town and I get pulled over. Bwoop Bwoop. Wtf.... *pulls over*. "Do you know why I stopped you,sir?" Um... no. "Well, you were speeding". Huh? I'm late but I know the speed limits here.... how fast was I going? ( This is the part where you get ready for 65 in a 15 or some unreal crap but it gets even better than that). "You were doing 32 in a 30". I uh... what? Did you just say 32 or 42? Maybe 52? "Nope... 32 in a 30. License and registration please". Officer jack off... you have GOT to be kidding me. Nope. He wasn't kidding folks. I got me a ticket for 32 in a 30. Of course I'm going to have to take the day off and fight this stupid thing now. It's the principal of the matter. I *know* I can pay the 11 dollars ( yes, 11 bucks ) and be done with it but now the insurance will go up. No talking out of it. No "hey, let me slide on this one". 32 in a 30, I shit you not. The kids here all sniff carpet fresh or whatever they do nowadays. The adults would die if you outlawed Budweiser and NASCAR. You have BIG problems here in such a small town and you have the balls to give me a ticket for 32 in a 30?!?!?!?
Like I said.... this crap happens to me regularly. Why, I do not know. I do know one thing, though. For a small town.......... well, you get the idea.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
I hate soccer moms
Ok, I couldn't help myself and hold back after my introduction as you can see. I HAVE TO tell you why I hate soccer moms. Mind you, I'm not actually talking about the real soccer moms who have 2.3 kids and have to schlep their kids to all sorts of game. No no no. I'm talking about these idiots who thinks it's STILL a fucking fashion statement to be one. They can usually be found running the bumper of their insane mega huge SUV carrying only them against your car in the parking lot and not even knowing or caring they did it. They wear these ungodly tracksuits with a stupid friggin racing stripe down the leg made in a material I can only describe as parachute fiber. You can see them yapping on the cell phones not only in the megalithic SUV's ( which is a given with these folk ) but flitting around the grocery store badgering some poor fool on the other end about the difference in price between canned and frozen corn.
Yes, I know I'm making huge run-on sentences right now. Deal with it, I have a lot of anger issues here.
Do you think we can all just ban together on one solitary thing and just kill these little fidgets off once and for all? What the fuck is the deal with them anyways? You know godamned well their kids are off in college at this point. Why do they keep "being" this way? I've formulated a reasoning behind this whole idiocy. Hear me out on it.
Some of us peaked in high school. We had our best years ruling the school as it were. You know the types. You see them years later and they've never progressed. Well, the same holds true for these soccer mom wanna be's. When the kids were 12 and under they had control of the family. The husband was working like a dog. The kids were easily manipulated to her will. Life was good. Fast forward 10 years and her life is blown to total shit. The husband cheats on this little pear shaped abomination because he can't stand fucking a nagging kumquat anymore. The kids are off doing their thing and don't spend any time talking to her. She no longer has the PTA or any real activities of her own to lean back on or their satanic support groups. She just *has to* stay stuck in that era for as long as she can keep her fat ass in it and pass the misery along to the rest of humanity.
Get a grip, soccer mom wanna be's. It's gone and never coming back. Stop eating the Healthy Start frozen entrees in front of us and then a whole chocolate cream pie on your own when nobody else is looking. Stop nagging your poor husband about everything in the world that isn't important anyways. Maybe then he'll stop cheating on your fat ass. Let the kids be kids and allow them to make the same mistakes in life you made. Scraped knees and boo-boos are a part of life. You made yours, let them make theirs. For God's sake PLEASE trade in the SUV that carts around your uppity fat ass on a sensible car. It's only you and you alone in that thing on your cell phone. Buy a godamned real car that you can not only park, but stops hogging gas at 3+ dollars a gallon.
I'm not married to one of these little evil tater tot trolls but if I was, you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn't last long. First step some gentle nudging in the right direction. Second step a treadmill and I take the gas card away. Third step a secretary named Buffy who doesn't eat like a horse and nag like one either. Last step, you standing in the grocery store talking to another now single soccer mom wanna on that precious cell phone of yours, about how you got screwed in the divorce.
That's just the tip of the iceberg on the whole subject, friends. I'm very certain more to follow as time progresses. I know men have multiple faults as well and we'll get to that later. I understand what's good for the goose is also good for the gander. But hey, everybody has to start somewhere don't they? 'nuff said.
Yes, I know I'm making huge run-on sentences right now. Deal with it, I have a lot of anger issues here.
Do you think we can all just ban together on one solitary thing and just kill these little fidgets off once and for all? What the fuck is the deal with them anyways? You know godamned well their kids are off in college at this point. Why do they keep "being" this way? I've formulated a reasoning behind this whole idiocy. Hear me out on it.
Some of us peaked in high school. We had our best years ruling the school as it were. You know the types. You see them years later and they've never progressed. Well, the same holds true for these soccer mom wanna be's. When the kids were 12 and under they had control of the family. The husband was working like a dog. The kids were easily manipulated to her will. Life was good. Fast forward 10 years and her life is blown to total shit. The husband cheats on this little pear shaped abomination because he can't stand fucking a nagging kumquat anymore. The kids are off doing their thing and don't spend any time talking to her. She no longer has the PTA or any real activities of her own to lean back on or their satanic support groups. She just *has to* stay stuck in that era for as long as she can keep her fat ass in it and pass the misery along to the rest of humanity.
Get a grip, soccer mom wanna be's. It's gone and never coming back. Stop eating the Healthy Start frozen entrees in front of us and then a whole chocolate cream pie on your own when nobody else is looking. Stop nagging your poor husband about everything in the world that isn't important anyways. Maybe then he'll stop cheating on your fat ass. Let the kids be kids and allow them to make the same mistakes in life you made. Scraped knees and boo-boos are a part of life. You made yours, let them make theirs. For God's sake PLEASE trade in the SUV that carts around your uppity fat ass on a sensible car. It's only you and you alone in that thing on your cell phone. Buy a godamned real car that you can not only park, but stops hogging gas at 3+ dollars a gallon.
I'm not married to one of these little evil tater tot trolls but if I was, you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn't last long. First step some gentle nudging in the right direction. Second step a treadmill and I take the gas card away. Third step a secretary named Buffy who doesn't eat like a horse and nag like one either. Last step, you standing in the grocery store talking to another now single soccer mom wanna on that precious cell phone of yours, about how you got screwed in the divorce.
That's just the tip of the iceberg on the whole subject, friends. I'm very certain more to follow as time progresses. I know men have multiple faults as well and we'll get to that later. I understand what's good for the goose is also good for the gander. But hey, everybody has to start somewhere don't they? 'nuff said.
Lozo inspired me
I really don't know what it is about blogs that I find so fascinating. I used to have one of sorts a long long time ago but I got bored with it. Who the hell would want to read about me anyways? I'm probably the most plain vanilla normal person out on the planet with one exception. The strangest shit happens to me on a continual basis and I can't figure out for the life of me why. Stick around and I'll tell you the story of how I had to get divorced twice from the same woman I married only once. Perhaps you'll all gather around the fireside to hear the tale of how I attract women who take enough crazy pills to consider it "the fourth meal" of the day. The point is, I have no clue why these things happen to me when all I want to do in life is just work a little, sleep a little and maybe eat some food while getting laid every so often. It's not that tough a concept to understand.
So anyways.... the reason why I started this blog. I bring you to one Dave Lozo. ( http://lozo.blogspot.com/ ) I can't for the life of me tell you why or how I found his blog. No doubt I was doing a Google for some free porn or something. *shrug* Regardless. This guy outright cracks my shit up. If you have the time, check out his blog(s). He pretty much hits the nail on the head with most any subject from a guy point of view. He doesn't hold anything back and he certainly doesn't give a rat's ass if you think it's acceptable in your world or not. I like that about him. It shows a sense of unabashed honesty which is very rare these days. What can I say? The guy is that good at blogs where I decided to start my own up again. OK, enough blowing sunshine up Dave's ass for a bit. We wouldn't want him to get jaded at the whole deal. :P
As for me? I dunno. I'm not some young upwardly mobile hipster from the "big city". Don't expect a post from me about some trendy bullshit that's running through the minds of everybody at the moment. I'd also never visit here again if you have some sort of 19 year old girl's uber-liberal view of the world while daddy pays for your schooling. I'm secretly at war with your types although I'm the only one that seems to know about it. The same holds true with you track-suit wearing fidget cell phone yapping soccer moms who drive SUV's a mile long as well. If I had to choose, I probably hate the latter even more. ( I'll most definitely make several posts about the whole "why" later) I'll also not trample over your views and thank you kindly not to do so with me. You like egg and mustard sandwiches? Fine. You grow a wookie in your lap and under your arms and like to go to peace rallies? Whatever. You find having to decide whether or not to stop the oral sex you're getting because you have a severe case of gas and don't think your partner would find the humor in it as well? Hey, it's all you. If it floats your boat or blows your skirt up that's all well and fine with me.
I burp fart and pick my nose. So do you. I find silent joy in a little kid running full steam where he's not supposed to and face planting right in the middle of the mall. Guess what, so do you after all is said and done. In 100 years who's going to give a shit about all this anyways. Sit back and enjoy the ride my friends. Maybe we'll all have a chuckle along the way ( whether at my expense or not.)
So anyways.... the reason why I started this blog. I bring you to one Dave Lozo. ( http://lozo.blogspot.com/ ) I can't for the life of me tell you why or how I found his blog. No doubt I was doing a Google for some free porn or something. *shrug* Regardless. This guy outright cracks my shit up. If you have the time, check out his blog(s). He pretty much hits the nail on the head with most any subject from a guy point of view. He doesn't hold anything back and he certainly doesn't give a rat's ass if you think it's acceptable in your world or not. I like that about him. It shows a sense of unabashed honesty which is very rare these days. What can I say? The guy is that good at blogs where I decided to start my own up again. OK, enough blowing sunshine up Dave's ass for a bit. We wouldn't want him to get jaded at the whole deal. :P
As for me? I dunno. I'm not some young upwardly mobile hipster from the "big city". Don't expect a post from me about some trendy bullshit that's running through the minds of everybody at the moment. I'd also never visit here again if you have some sort of 19 year old girl's uber-liberal view of the world while daddy pays for your schooling. I'm secretly at war with your types although I'm the only one that seems to know about it. The same holds true with you track-suit wearing fidget cell phone yapping soccer moms who drive SUV's a mile long as well. If I had to choose, I probably hate the latter even more. ( I'll most definitely make several posts about the whole "why" later) I'll also not trample over your views and thank you kindly not to do so with me. You like egg and mustard sandwiches? Fine. You grow a wookie in your lap and under your arms and like to go to peace rallies? Whatever. You find having to decide whether or not to stop the oral sex you're getting because you have a severe case of gas and don't think your partner would find the humor in it as well? Hey, it's all you. If it floats your boat or blows your skirt up that's all well and fine with me.
I burp fart and pick my nose. So do you. I find silent joy in a little kid running full steam where he's not supposed to and face planting right in the middle of the mall. Guess what, so do you after all is said and done. In 100 years who's going to give a shit about all this anyways. Sit back and enjoy the ride my friends. Maybe we'll all have a chuckle along the way ( whether at my expense or not.)
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