Working without exceptions

I'm going to take this point in time to let you know I'm a bit of a car person. I've probably had more cars before I was 20 than most of you will ever have in your entire lifetime. That's not a statement to brag, just to make fact. I'm 36 as I write this and I have to tell you honestly that I can't even count how many cars I've ever had up until now. It's my firm belief that everybody walks through life magically collecting something quite easily although they know not why. My gift is cars. I always happen to be at the right place at the right time for these stupid things or I'll come home and there will be a new one on the driveway that somebody just gives me for no damned good reason. Hey, let's give it to Russ ( yes, now you know my name. Boo ya for you and the strange look that it will get you when you think you have something worthwhile on me)... he doesn't mind an extra car. Here's the big kicker to the whole story. Every stinking' car EVER in my life has never worked %100. Not a single one. I'm always cursed with that "jiggle the handle" syndrome like when you go to a friend's house and the toilet is broken. You can borrow the car but don't take sharp left turns. Sure, you can ride with me, just enter left foot last because the bracket on the seat is broken. Wiggle the gas cap three times and then spin around clockwise on your foot really fast and pat your head.... the stereo will mysteriously work as it should then. See what I'm saying here? It's all very odd the way it is in my world.

Why not throw everything away and just buy new stuff you ask? BUZZZZZZ Wrong. I tried that move already. My first ever new car straight from the dealership was taken away on a flatbed 2 hours after I drove it away from there. After they fixed that problem a new one came up and they couldn't track it down. Then another and another. When I got rid of the car you couldn't drive it at EXACTLY 63 miles per hour for more than 15 minutes at a clip or it would overheat. You can go faster. You can go slower. You can take a 10 hour trip bouncing all around it and still be fine. Why exactly 63? I do not know. Also, the driver window if powered down 3/4 of the way would eventually fall forward. Half down was fine, 7/8 down was OK. Yadda yadda yadda. 3/4 down? Nope... voomp! Thar she goes again. See what I'm saying here folks?

So anyways.... ( and get ready to roll the eyes at me) I just caught a sweet deal on a nice Cadillac Seville. I'm LOVING this car which means if you've read the above, that it will have more gremlins in it than a WWII fighter plane stuck over Japan on a stealth mission. I get the car off ebay for a grand because the guy is losing his storage. Mind you, buying at low prices and getting things is NOT my problem here. It needed a little work which was easily enough taken care of by yours truly. I get it all buttoned up and ding-ding-ding.... wtf is that noise? CHECK SUSPENSION SYSTEM comes scrolling across the display. Huh? Wha....What is that? *quickly searches the Internet for what the deal is*. Ahhhh, I see. It must be a sensor! I will fix this. BUZZZ. Guess again, slick. They stopped making the stupid thing and junk yards don't have it anywhere. What does this mean? Oh, nothing as long as you like 3 corners of the car riding like a Cadillac and one riding like a Mack Truck. Sonofa...*&%^$!@$$*&. Once again I fall victim to my own curse. Until I get the correct part to fix this it's going to be one of those "OK, go slow over this bump, then fast over that one... now swerve to avoid that".

I'm not going to be able to just put in the key and do what I have to do. Yet again I'll have to have half of my mind on what to do in a car that normal people do not and it's gonna be a major suck fest. I have no doubts in my mind that I'll eventually track down the stupid sensor which is not hard to fix. How much you ALL wanna bet though that once I do that something else equally as gay will go wrong. Hey, got the ride thingy fixed. Wanna see? Just tap the door handle with your left hand and when you get in push the heater button twice and I can take you for a drive in it. Just once.... I'd like a car to be "working without exceptions".