I hate soccer moms

Ok, I couldn't help myself and hold back after my introduction as you can see. I HAVE TO tell you why I hate soccer moms. Mind you, I'm not actually talking about the real soccer moms who have 2.3 kids and have to schlep their kids to all sorts of game. No no no. I'm talking about these idiots who thinks it's STILL a fucking fashion statement to be one. They can usually be found running the bumper of their insane mega huge SUV carrying only them against your car in the parking lot and not even knowing or caring they did it. They wear these ungodly tracksuits with a stupid friggin racing stripe down the leg made in a material I can only describe as parachute fiber. You can see them yapping on the cell phones not only in the megalithic SUV's ( which is a given with these folk ) but flitting around the grocery store badgering some poor fool on the other end about the difference in price between canned and frozen corn.

Yes, I know I'm making huge run-on sentences right now. Deal with it, I have a lot of anger issues here.

Do you think we can all just ban together on one solitary thing and just kill these little fidgets off once and for all? What the fuck is the deal with them anyways? You know godamned well their kids are off in college at this point. Why do they keep "being" this way? I've formulated a reasoning behind this whole idiocy. Hear me out on it.

Some of us peaked in high school. We had our best years ruling the school as it were. You know the types. You see them years later and they've never progressed. Well, the same holds true for these soccer mom wanna be's. When the kids were 12 and under they had control of the family. The husband was working like a dog. The kids were easily manipulated to her will. Life was good. Fast forward 10 years and her life is blown to total shit. The husband cheats on this little pear shaped abomination because he can't stand fucking a nagging kumquat anymore. The kids are off doing their thing and don't spend any time talking to her. She no longer has the PTA or any real activities of her own to lean back on or their satanic support groups. She just *has to* stay stuck in that era for as long as she can keep her fat ass in it and pass the misery along to the rest of humanity.

Get a grip, soccer mom wanna be's. It's gone and never coming back. Stop eating the Healthy Start frozen entrees in front of us and then a whole chocolate cream pie on your own when nobody else is looking. Stop nagging your poor husband about everything in the world that isn't important anyways. Maybe then he'll stop cheating on your fat ass. Let the kids be kids and allow them to make the same mistakes in life you made. Scraped knees and boo-boos are a part of life. You made yours, let them make theirs. For God's sake PLEASE trade in the SUV that carts around your uppity fat ass on a sensible car. It's only you and you alone in that thing on your cell phone. Buy a godamned real car that you can not only park, but stops hogging gas at 3+ dollars a gallon.

I'm not married to one of these little evil tater tot trolls but if I was, you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn't last long. First step some gentle nudging in the right direction. Second step a treadmill and I take the gas card away. Third step a secretary named Buffy who doesn't eat like a horse and nag like one either. Last step, you standing in the grocery store talking to another now single soccer mom wanna on that precious cell phone of yours, about how you got screwed in the divorce.

That's just the tip of the iceberg on the whole subject, friends. I'm very certain more to follow as time progresses. I know men have multiple faults as well and we'll get to that later. I understand what's good for the goose is also good for the gander. But hey, everybody has to start somewhere don't they? 'nuff said.